The Ex-Files

Relationships are funny. They are full of all sorts of rules and regulations. Most of these I agree with... no cheating, no lying, etc... that's easy for me. I don't like to play games. It's not my style. I prefer to just say, "This is how i feel...", even if that means putting myself out there. Sometimes you just have to jump. HOWEVER, there is one relationship no-no that's hard for me. The whole, "No talking about your exes", thing. When you've spent(or wasted) a significant amount of time in a relationship with someone, they become a part of your story. I feel like I'd be leaving out parts of who I am if I didn't ever tell a story where he might be involved. Not that it's necessarily about an old relationship... just the ex may be in the mix of the story. So should I never tell these stories that make up who I am, things I've done, where I've been, because an ex is involved? I honestly don't know.

I know many people may think, "Oh, if she brings up her ex she must still have feelings for him." I just don't think that's always the case.(Especially in my ridiculously stupid case, haha!) I openly admit to spending far too long trying to make things work with my ex. I WAS WRONG. I am not too proud to say that. But had I not been wrong, I have to wonder... would I be where I am right now? Would I feel happy in my life? In my work? In my skin? In my heart? I think sometimes we have to throw our hands up and thank God for letting us make our own mistakes. Everything happens in it's own time and for a reason.

I genuinely hope the ex finds someone who is great for him. That person was not me and is never going to be me. That's a good thing FOR ME. I'm not bitter about that. It doesn't make me sick to think about him with someone else. If I bumped into him tomorrow with his girlfriend(I don't know if he has a girlfriend, just hypothetically), I would say hello to him and introduce myself to her with a smile. I'm long over that... no need to be bitchy about it, right? I know there is this stigma with exes..."I don't want to think about her with him or him with her." Part of me gets that, but part of me is realistic. Like, I know WG has a whole life that happened before me... I know there were other girls in that life, of course. Right now, I'm just glad they weren't good enough for him, that way he could save up all the fun for me! Haha :) I'm a greedy, greedy woman, y'all. I hope he gets that about me as well.(uhm, not that I'm greedy, hahaha!)

I'm happy where I am:

In my life,

In my work,

In my skin,

In my heart.

I wouldn't change anything about my past. I will keep it all to continue to go to bed with a smile on my face. Every miserable moment I endured is worth it for the warm feeling I get when WG sweet talks me or makes me roll in laughter.

All of the tears in my eyes have been replaced by butterflies in my stomach... in all areas of my life.

Exes: They won't define you, but they are a part of who you are or who you become. YOU are the reason you are where you are today... but they just may have helped push you there.

Thank God.

& Maybe your ex.

(but not to his face... that's weird.)

This has been a part of Tuesday's Tribute with 7 Clown Circus

Tuesday's Tribute: The Boy Next Door

A Jay and Deb Production.

The Boy Next Door: I CALL HIM GAN GAN

I grew up in the house next door to my Grandma & Grandpa. I call them Nanny & Grand Daddy. From the moment I could baby talk(which I did for a long time because I was the baby in my family & not one person felt it necessary to correct me because it was "cute"), I dubbed my Grand Daddy "Gan Gan". Not one other grandchild had called him this, so I don't know why I did... but it stuck. I don't think I even realized I was calling him something different from everyone else! Gan Gan was a great playmate for me. He would sit on the porch and watch as I made sand pies(similar to mud pies... except I would substitute mud for sand because it's what was on hand... I was a regular Rachel Ray, I tell you!), and then he would actually take them inside and place them in the oven for me. My Nanny would find them later after we'd long forgotten about them & I'm sure my poor Gan Gan would get a mouthful, but it never stopped him. He was also a big fan of Beauty parlor and would allow me to wreck his face with my Bonne Bell makeup, God bless him. & Then there were rainy afternoons where we would sit in the den and watch some of the mail order cartoons my Nanny would buy us. Grand Daddy would sit and laugh with me like it was the first time we'd seen it. He was one of my first playmates, you see? I love him so much for that.

One afternoon(I believe my Mom and I were just getting home after a kindergarten field trip) I announced to my Mom "I am going to Grand Daddy's!". I remember her grabbing my hand to walk me over and saying, "You don't call him that! You call him Gan Gan!". "From now on I am going to call him Grand Daddy!", I said with a smile. My Mom says that's one of the saddest things she's ever heard me say. By the time I was 14 I was back to calling him Gan Gan... the whole Grand Daddy thing just wasn't me, apparently! I think I realized how sweet it was that only I called him that. It's our thing.

I was 2 in this shot. I'm pretty sure he'd still let me make him over if I asked :)

WHAT A MAN!