Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Why I Did It...

I did it because my heart wasn't in it. I couldn't find the passion that I thought would be there. I stepped in feeling sure of myself and then I changed my mind. It happens. A part of me was missing, and I needed to figure out what that was. I did. I could have easily stayed put and lived a seemingly nice life... but life is nothing without passion. I climbed to the top of a mountain and free fell off... I hit the bottom and you just happened to be there. I may have jumped in too soon after I fell from high above. I felt like I was living a lie, so I stepped away. I don't feel brave for doing it, nor do I feel weak. I feel like I did exactly what I was supposed to do, because I feel like I am now exactly where I'm supposed to be. The picture that was painted for me was pretty, but maybe I wasn't meant to be the star of someone else's pretty picture... but my own, interesting picture. Modern art, if you will. I'm thankful that you were a part of my life again, but sad that it had to be in that particular era. You're going to paint someone a beautiful picture.

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That's why I did it.

[I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend & started dating someone else almost right away. My heart was broken & I was looking for comfort. He was looking for love & clearly, my heart wasn't in it. I broke things off with him at the end of December 08 & went back to the ex. I felt bad(not regretful) about it for months... until I wrote this post. Whether he ever read it or not, I don't know. It was therapeutic for me.]

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You've always been my favorite... don't tell the others!