For a little over a year I have been working in an office setting. I work with my step sister and with two other women who have become friends to me. I was brought in just to answer phones and take appointments... this was to be my "easy job" & then I would come home and sew(which is where my heart is). "Extra money" is what Mr. & I were thinking when I agreed to take this job on. We both kind of had it in our heads that I would do it for 1 year. Well, let me tell you something. Working 40 hours a week outside of the home and then coming home and sewing? It wasn't easy. Slowly but surely I stopped taking orders. The wedding slowed things down for sure, and then moving slowed things down, and now here I am... and I'm just too tired to do it all. The 1 year came and went and now I'm in month 3 of the second year. I need to say something that I have only said to my husband... and I probably need to say it OUT LOUD to people who care about me, but I'll start here.
I am unhappy. My brain feels wasted. I've gained unwanted weight from sitting at a desk all day. I'm always tired. Leaving my house in the morning is getting harder and harder. I wear a smiling mask to make everyone else comfortable, but inside I am a sad girl.
Saying that makes me feel wildly uncomfortable and ungrateful. I'm lucky to have a job and a wonderful, supportive husband. I'm lucky to have friends and family who would sit and listen to me if I were brave enough to speak up and ask for opinions or help. I'm really a lucky woman.
So why not go back to what I was doing before? It's simple. I'm scared. Business changes with the seasons... it's not a steady paycheck like I have now.(Though, let me go on record and say my paycheck is sad and I am miserably under-payed for all of the responsibility I have taken on.)
I could try harder. I could put myself out there more. I could do it. (I can do it... right?)
I am sick of curling up in a ball when my work day is done. I'm sick of putting off responsibilities because I am depressed and all I want to do is sleep when I get home. I am not this girl.
I don't want to be this girl anymore.
Kid President to the rescue.
"This is life people. You got air coming through your nose. You gotta heart beat. IT'S TIME TO DO SOMETHING."