Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Ex-Files

Relationships are funny. They are full of all sorts of rules and regulations. Most of these I agree with... no cheating, no lying, etc... that's easy for me. I don't like to play games. It's not my style. I prefer to just say, "This is how i feel...", even if that means putting myself out there. Sometimes you just have to jump. HOWEVER, there is one relationship no-no that's hard for me. The whole, "No talking about your exes", thing. When you've spent(or wasted) a significant amount of time in a relationship with someone, they become a part of your story. I feel like I'd be leaving out parts of who I am if I didn't ever tell a story where he might be involved. Not that it's necessarily about an old relationship... just the ex may be in the mix of the story. So should I never tell these stories that make up who I am, things I've done, where I've been, because an ex is involved? I honestly don't know.
I know many people may think, "Oh, if she brings up her ex she must still have feelings for him." I just don't think that's always the case.(Especially in my ridiculously stupid case, haha!) I openly admit to spending far too long trying to make things work with my ex. I WAS WRONG. I am not too proud to say that. But had I not been wrong, I have to wonder... would I be where I am right now? Would I feel happy in my life? In my work? In my skin? In my heart? I think sometimes we have to throw our hands up and thank God for letting us make our own mistakes. Everything happens in it's own time and for a reason.
I genuinely hope the ex finds someone who is great for him. That person was not me and is never going to be me. That's a good thing FOR ME. I'm not bitter about that. It doesn't make me sick to think about him with someone else. If I bumped into him tomorrow with his girlfriend(I don't know if he has a girlfriend, just hypothetically), I would say hello to him and introduce myself to her with a smile. I'm long over that... no need to be bitchy about it, right? I know there is this stigma with exes..."I don't want to think about her with him or him with her." Part of me gets that, but part of me is realistic. Like, I know WG has a whole life that happened before me... I know there were other girls in that life, of course. Right now, I'm just glad they weren't good enough for him, that way he could save up all the fun for me! Haha :) I'm a greedy, greedy woman, y'all. I hope he gets that about me as well.(uhm, not that I'm greedy, hahaha!)
I'm happy where I am:
In my life,
In my work,
In my skin,
In my heart.
I wouldn't change anything about my past. I will keep it all to continue to go to bed with a smile on my face. Every miserable moment I endured is worth it for the warm feeling I get when WG sweet talks me or makes me roll in laughter.
All of the tears in my eyes have been replaced by butterflies in my stomach... in all areas of my life.
Exes: They won't define you, but they are a part of who you are or who you become. YOU are the reason you are where you are today... but they just may have helped push you there.
Thank God.
& Maybe your ex.
(but not to his face... that's weird.)

This has been a part of Tuesday's Tribute with 7 Clown Circus
Tuesday's Tribute

10 love notes:

  1. This was excellent!!! Very well-written. :) You are wise beyond your years (and mine too). ;)

  2. I love that ending line. Thank you ex, just not to his face. LOL

  3. love that post! i totally agree. breaking up is hard to do, but most of the time, it only helps you get to where you should be. so glad to "see" you happy with wg!

  4. Really loved this......it's amazing how certain people really do leave a mark on who you are.....

  5. I wish the whole talking about your ex thing weren't such a taboo thing either. I only dated a couple of guys seriously before I got married, and they played significant roles in my life at the time. Now, even ten years into my marriage, I feel like I'm disrespecting my husband somehow if I bring up a story or memory with an ex in it, so often I just keep it to myself....but there are some GOOD stories!! ;-)

    Well written. I'm glad you are so happy where you're at right now. HAPPY is such a great place to be! =)

  6. Totally right on how your past relationships shape you to be who you are right now :)

  7. I love this post. This is great. It is so true what you said. Today I sent away my bed I had for 10 years. At one time I did have an ex that shared this place with me. Today I said his name as the bed left. I am now married but still it made me think of him a little. I see some of my friends have come by. Thanks again for defunking me...

  8. Very wise words, Miss Lacey.

    Ever see that episode of SATC where Berger opens up what Carrie calls "the ex file"?

    I never really got why that was so bad. I agree with you: exes help shape us and make us who we are. Why not briefly touch upon it with someone you see a future with?

  9. Oh, so true! I don't regret my ex. I am who I am today partly because of him. But okay, fine, I won't thank him to his face. :)

  10. you worded that so perfectly. You have dealt with the situation in such a mature way. I am actually really good friends with most of my ex's and wouldn't have it any other way. they have helped me become the person I am today and as long as you know that love and heartbreak is a learning experience you are on your way to such a healthy life and relationships!!!


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