Monday, March 15, 2010

It's a quarter after one...

[I'm a little drunk and I need you now]
WG called me tonight.
It was 1:10am when I heard his ring tone piping through my phone.
This is the first time I've heard from him in a month.

[I said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control and I need you now]
He had a little liquid courage in his system.
I was shocked to hear from him, honestly.
Not because we ended things on awful terms, but because I'd been told by him that
when it comes to relationships,
he felt like once it's over...
It's over.

[& I wonder if I ever cross your mind... for me it happens all the time]
He said he missed me.
My body shook uncontrollably.
Was this a dream?
I took deep breaths.
I felt confused.
We laughed & it felt good.
I told him I'd missed talking to him.
He's been going through a rough time since before we broke up.
I believe this is where the problem stemmed from.
I was in the dark.
Completely.
He told me that two weeks ago, he moved far far away to where his parents live.
I wasn't shocked.
He told me he missed me many more times.
It was kind of nice to hear.
We talked about a lot,
but not enough.
He said he wondered if he's supposed to marry me.
I said nothing in response.
Because what could I say?
It was a lot to take in considering I thought I'd never hear from him again.

[I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all]

The conversation ended weird. I felt as though he wanted me to say
"We'll make it work. It'll all be okay."
But I didn't say that,
because my heart is confused

& he's thousands of miles away now.
& some damage has been done.

If I could go back and change things, I would...
but I can't.
So, what now?

I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again.
(update: i have)

[this was thursday night]

27 love notes:

  1. Those are never easy calls to take! I wish you the best of luck in your situation, I remember being there once. What got me through it all was the book, "It's Called a Break Up Because it is Broken". If you have not read it before, it is supper funny and really looks at YOU and your reactions.

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  2. I got a few tears in my eyes while reading this. I can only imagine how you were feeling. I pray that it works out the way God has planned. I love you, Lace!

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  3. girl, what are you waiting for??? try to make it work! it's obvious you miss him!! just try, what do you have to lose!!

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  4. Wow. I love that song, and it certainly applies to the situation.

    I think you just have to listen to your heart Lacey. To see what it's telling you and let your head and your heart work together.

    If your hearts truly want each other, what's to stop it from happening?

    "Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle...rather a beautiful reminder of just how strong true love can be."

    [[unknown author]]

    And if it isn't, than life moves on... Even through the hurt.

    Much luck and love to you!

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  5. Oh, Lacey, thats so very hard. You just need to go with your gut. No one can tell you the right thing to do. No matter what, everything will be fine! BIG HUGS!!!

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  6. Oh wow...my heart goes out to you and the tough decisions you are making and the confusion you must be feeling. I'm with you in spirit...

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  7. Aww, sweet girl. Break ups are no fun. Those late night phone calls can be precious and scary all at the same time. Take deep breathes and think with your head and heart. I hope it all works out just the way you wish.

    Oh and I lurve that song!

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  8. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now! I'm a new reader to your blog but not too long ago I was going through the EXACT some thing as you and I know how hard it is. I pray that you find what is best for you and that you can be happy with whatever that is :) Maybe it's him, maybe it's not. You'll figure it out though...

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  9. First, I love this song. Secondly, go with the heart....everything else will fall in place(this may also mean walking away....)

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  10. reading this made me feel like i was reading my own life. hang in there, lace. thinking of you. :)

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  11. Careful with your heart Lace, smart ending on your part. Leave him wanting more, and never satisfied.

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  12. I NEED DETAILS!

    Email me woman.

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  13. Wow, it's so crazy how the things you least expect to happen, happen.
    Things are always changing, and for him to call you when you never thought he'd talk to you again- what are the chances.
    I kinda have the same situation, except in my situation, we still haven't talked.

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  14. Lacey, I feel for you! That must be so hard. I think we have all been there at least once.

    Are you tired of hearing from ppl that if it's meant to be it will be? Or that everything will work out in the end?

    OK, you probably are tired of hearing those things. So I won't say them ;)

    Hang in there lady!

    PS-love that song!

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  15. hun nothing happens for just coincidince.. think about it take ur time be sure of what you want.. really think about it. your in control now.

    -cris

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  16. WOW. This is intense. Hearing from an ex is always so hard :( I know I literally got physically sick once when I heard the ringtone I hadn't heard in months.

    I love how you used this song throughout the post..I love it and it perfectly describes your situation.

    xox

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  17. I hope everything works out the way it should. I wish my ex would call me. We are still kind of on talking terms, but it's not the same.

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  18. Oh Lacey, this stuff can be so tough, and I don't blame you one bit for being confused! I guess my best advice is to think honestly about what you really want, listen to your heart and your gut, and then move forward. Just remember that these are the experiences we learn and grow from. :-)

    Luv ya.

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  19. Those calls are always so weird. I hope you are able to figure things out and where they are supposed to go.

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  20. Holy shiz Lacey..this is intense and I hope everything works out the way it will but I think every girl has had this complete experience before but my heart and love and strength go out to you to help you muddle everything out and make right choices.

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  21. Such a good song :) I hope everything works out exactly how it's supposed to<3

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  22. Wow babe... Im happy and not happy for you... Things will work out... Sometimes, there is relationship, where the puddle of mud has been formed but you know what? he can always lay his coat down and help you right over it... if its meant to be... keep updated. Love you. stay strong.

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  23. Oh dear. My heart twisted a little reading this because it brings back memories of a past relationship of mine. That one didn't work out so well for me but I'm glad, because it left me free to find the amazing man I get to spend the rest of my life with. I pray this situation works out the way it's supposed to for you. And I believe it will. It has to. XOXO

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  24. Awww gotta love drunk dialing right?! And I agree with others, this reminds me of past relationships, one in particular that took me 3 years to say good bye to. Be strong! You're better than that:-)

    P.S. thanks for showing me some blog love and being my newest follower!!!

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  25. My heart is pitter-pattering for you! This can be so exciting (I love what Kate said above), but scary, too. Follow your heart, girly, and KEEP US POSTED!! LOL!!

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