Uppers and Downers

I've felt happiness like this:

& sadness like this:in a matter of 24 hours.


I think God makes that possible so we remember that our hearts still work just fine even after all that we've been through.

My best friend's grandmother passed away on Thursday evening. It's like I forgot to be sad when it happened. I just wanted my friend to be okay, to be taken care of, to be loved... I forgot to be sad. After making sure she didn't want or need me to come be with her(she was surrounded by family),I headed to WG's on Friday as planned for date night. It was a lovely day and night full of lovin'. Saturday brought on a day so full of fun with friends and WG that our heads didn't hit the pillow until around 2:30am. We talked until 3ish and then drifted off. I dreamt a few dreams... all random. The last dream I remember and woke myself up to was about her Maw Maw. I rolled over and started talking to WG... trying to push it out of my brain. As I was getting ready, WG walked into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around me. As we looked at each other through the mirror, he asked if everything was okay. I'm apparently horrible at hiding my feelings. Everything was dandy as far as he goes, but my heart began hurting sometime during the night... somewhere in my dreams. I told him I was dreading the funeral tomorrow. It's not the funeral I'm dreading... it's the thoughts and feelings that I'm dreading. The sadness slowly crept up further and further throughout the day, until the moment my weekend tired body hit the bath tonight. The. Tears. Streamed. Down. Her Maw Maw won't be there the day she gets married. She won't be there the day she has a child. She won't be there on Christmas or Thanksgiving or Birthdays. She won't be there anymore.
She was a tiny woman with a big heart. She raised a beautiful family who have always taken me in and treated me like their own.
Tonight and tomorrow{and always}, my heart hurts for their loss.

Oh, the highs and lows of life.
Happy my heart is still working at least.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I must have just known today would be no good somehow.

These may have been the tip-offs.


I don't know why this kid is holding his crotch. Seems a little inappropriate to me.

1. I didn't sleep at all. NOT. ONE. WINK.
2. I've just been having a bad week. I don't want to talk about it. No, not even to you(sorry). What's the point, really?
3. I got out of bed(from my long laying sesh)and threw on some clothes. I didn't bother with that whole 'make yourself look decent and put on some makeup so you look alive' thing. NOPE.
4. I got hit on by the guy making my smoothie. (He looked like Shemar Moore(yeah, I had to google that)from some soap back in the day. Apparently he's on Criminal Minds now... oh yeah, and he works at my local Smoothie King. Duh.) Anyway, I walk into SK and he begins walking to the spot to take my order. There's some song on that I've never heard about "making love" and he's singing it loud enough for me to hear. Clever, right? Then he decides we're going to have a conversation. AWESOME, Shemar... awesome.

Shemar: What are you up to this morning?

Me: Being tired.

Shemar: Why?

Me: Didn't sleep.

Shemar: Aww, insomnia? out drinkin'? male problems?

Me:(at this point I thought about saying I liked women, but then thought he might be into that.) Uhm, just couldn't sleep. Just wasn't happenin' for me.

Shemar: I see. Well that's ashame. Why aren't you sleeping now then?

Me: Work. It happens.

Shemar: Oh what do you do?

blah, blah, blah...

Ergh. Why can't I just be a HUGE bitch to strange boys. He asked for my number so we could "network", and by "network" I'm pretty sure he meant "make love". Ended up giving the guy my card so he would stop asking questions, and now i'm going to have to dodge any unrecognizable numbers. Honestly, be a bitch, Lacey.)

5. I'm psychic.

6. I pull into work and the lights are on. The open sign is up. I'm all, "hrmm, maybe I'm not supposed to be here! YES! I can just go home!" (I was excited about the prospect of going home because a)I haven't slept, remember? KEEP UP, sheesh! and b)Doll Face is at my house today & she was giving me some serious baby kisses before I left. I could use 100 more.) So I run in to check my schedule & sure enough, I'm not on for today. The owner comes up to the front to talk to me and says, "Oh good! Since you came in, I'll just take you off another day and go run my errands today." BOOOO. Why the H couldn't I have just called when I saw the lights on? Gahh.

7. It's cloudy and rainy and both of my umbrellas? Yeah, they're on my bedroom floor.

8. I'm pretty freakin' sure my leg is haunted or falling off or something.

(One 0f those numbers is a complete and utter lie, and I'm ashamed to say it's not #8)

::Sigh::

Life can just suck it today.

I'm sitting here avoiding sewing of any kind and watching The O.C. on Hulu.

God Bless Hulu.

Now, if only I had a bed...

To end this moment of Blitching (blog bitching) I'd like to just say that I really am grateful to God that I am alive to live days that seem pointless like this. I have moments when I feel sorry for myself for stupid(and some not so stupid)reasons, but I do see through it all. I am so grateful for this life, for this day, for this rain, for the guy in the smoothie shop thinking I look good enough to hit on, for my haunted leg, for those morning baby kisses, for it all. I'm thankful. I'm alive, and that means...I'M OKAY. Things could be SO much worse. This is nothin'.

In Remembrance

My sweet bloggy friend Cynthia is having the worst and hardest day of her life today. When she went in for a routine doctors appt. she learned that her baby boy had passed away due to umbilical cord strangulation. He was due in just 2 weeks. Please pray for Cynthia and her loved ones during this difficult time.

Rest in Peace Baby Aiden

10 pounds 2 ounces

Born into Heaven onFebruary 2, 2009

Words cannot express the sorrow I am feeling for her tonight. I lay here crying wishing that life could make more sense and that she could have her sweet boy. I know that right now she is feeling incredibly alone without him. I can't imagine. I'm so sorry, Cynthia. All my prayers and hugs to you.