Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Back and forth and misery

There are a lot of people I see in relationships that I just want to scream, "Get out! You can do this! You'll be happier someday!" Because I see it in their eyes, I hear it in their voices... they are settling into something because it's all they know.
They are settling because they are scared to start over.
They are settling because they fear they won't ever find anyone else to love them.
I know because I've been that person.
I was in a relationship where I wasn't appreciated. I was a fixture in his life & he just revolved around me. I thought if I worked harder & made him love me more, things would get better. Surely, one day he would open up his eyes and see all of the work I was doing.
I read books on how to fix my relationship. I planned surprises. I prayed. I tried to be prettier.(Pathetic, but I'm being honest here, people.)
I worked my butt off.
I talked openly about the way I was feeling & how I felt like I was doing all of the work...
& at some point he agreed. HE AGREED!
But things didn't change. He kept right on the way he had been, because he knew I would continue to work for what I wanted...
& why should he do any work when I was managing all by myself?
He was right.
I did, indeed, continue to work for what I wanted. & At some point, I realized I just didn't want him anymore.
What he didn't realize is that I would eventually gain the strength & self confidence I needed to walk away... for good.
That's right, because this wasn't my first rodeo with him. This went on for two years.
Back and forth and misery.
My point here, everyone, is that sometimes love falls apart.
And maybe if you look at it from the right angle, you'll realize it was never held together by anything more significant than the WANT to keep it together.
But if you don't go to bed with a smile on your face, butterflies in your stomach, comfort in your soul & love in your heart because of the person that is laying next to you...
Why do you want to keep it together?
Forever is a long time to settle.
Forever is a really long time.
Wait for the person that you can't wait to spend forever with.
They're out there.
I just know they are...[photo via MR's sister :)]

22 love notes:

  1. I needed this today! I'm going through a breakup and while it was my decision to end this off and on thing we've been doing for years, I'm still tempted to call. But this post reminded me not to-not to settle-not to give in just because I'm trying to deal with being alone for now.

  2. I was that girl for a long time and I finally met a guy who loves me for just who I's been 4 years and I'm still happy just being around him!

  3. Beautiful! I'm so glad you found your Mr.

  4. So true, such an honest post! Thanks!

  5. i love this. i wish a few of my friends could read this... i know it's hard to leave something that's become a habit, but it kills everyone around them to watch them hurt like that.

    i'm so glad you found such an amazing guy and you're so happy with him! it's a great feeling. xo

  6. Yup....that would be me right now...

  7. Wow! This is so well written, especially the last part. I too have been this girl before, and it just sucks! Unfotunately, I feel as if a few of my frineds are in this situation now. There is only so much you can say to them being on the outside. I wish all of them could read this. And congrats on finding the one that makes your heart skip a beat :)

  8. P.S. I left you a blog award:

  9. So true Lacey, and I'm so glad that you're so happy now!

  10. You are speaking to me today. I just have a HUGE reason to stay right now....but, you are right. I need to go to bed with a smile on my face...and right now.!

  11. I love, love this post! So glad you are happy. :)

  12. You're so amazing Lacey, keep spreading the love and inspiration!

  13. So true so true! WOnderful post. I recently had a friend ask me if I was lonely because I'm single. And I thought "Being by myself is never lonely. But being with the wrong person is the loneliest feeling in the world."
    Hope this post has inspired somebody out there to stop being lonely!

  14. Absolutely fabulous post, sweet girl. You are so right on so many levels. I'm so glad you gave yourself the opportunity to meet someone as special as your MR. It seems like a match made in heaven and I hope y'all continue to make each other happy for a very long time :)

  15. Seriosuly! Well said. And I've been there too many times, and it sucks. But when the right guy comes around it's all worth it . . . seriously! Life's too short to waste on bad relationships.

    Ooooh p.s I totally forgot to mail your last book out, so sorry! Sending it back Monday. Forgive me!

  16. You are so right! And once marriage comes around all their flaws get magnified (ask my husband:) I think MORE girls need to come to this realization but I know it's super hard when you just want to be loved! Great post (:

  17. I just found your blog from Kenli's blog & not only am I now a follower, but I'm also a lover of this particular post & your blog as a whole. I'm in this situation right this minute & hearing you say these things is like music to my ears. I know you're right ... there's someone out there I can't wait to spend forever with. Thank you so much. I'm going to follow for sure!

  18. Your words in this post speak so true to my life. I was back and forth and in misery with someone for years. Thankfully, I finally opened my eyes and realized things were never going to change and I didn't want to settle for heartache any longer. I needed to go through all that pain to gain the strength I now have and I am so excited to meet someone new and have the "real" relationship I deserve.
    Just wanted to say thank you and I love reading your blog!


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