Let's take a few steps back...

Many of you are wondering what happened after that call from WG.
What made me make the decision to walk away for good?
Well, I've been writing these posts in my head for a while now, and I decided it was time to finally share them. I've just been putting them off because it seemed like it would exhaust me to type it all out... or really, it would exhaust me just having to think about it all.
But you know what? It didn't. Not at all.
& I think that's a good thing. I think that's saying something.
I've spent the last few months tearing through feelings I had in the past,
not only for WG, but for someone else who re-entered the picture.
The key words in that statement are, "Feeling I had in the past".

Come back Monday & take a seat next to me...
I'll braid your hair and explain it all.

& THEN?
Then we can talk about the reason my heart is feeling happier than ever.
I took very good care of it when WG and I stopped dating...
& I'm oh so glad I did, because now it feels whole.
I don't need anyone to put it back together for me.
They can just feel free to make it grow.
& By "they", I mean "he"...
But you'll have to wait to hear about him ;)

Let's just hash through the rest of this first so it will all make sense.
See you Monday, lovies!
xo

photo via

It's a quarter after one...

[I'm a little drunk and I need you now]
WG called me tonight.
It was 1:10am when I heard his ring tone piping through my phone.
This is the first time I've heard from him in a month.

[I said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control and I need you now]
He had a little liquid courage in his system.
I was shocked to hear from him, honestly.
Not because we ended things on awful terms, but because I'd been told by him that
when it comes to relationships,
he felt like once it's over...
It's over.

[& I wonder if I ever cross your mind... for me it happens all the time]
He said he missed me.
My body shook uncontrollably.
Was this a dream?
I took deep breaths.
I felt confused.
We laughed & it felt good.
I told him I'd missed talking to him.
He's been going through a rough time since before we broke up.
I believe this is where the problem stemmed from.
I was in the dark.
Completely.
He told me that two weeks ago, he moved far far away to where his parents live.
I wasn't shocked.
He told me he missed me many more times.
It was kind of nice to hear.
We talked about a lot,
but not enough.
He said he wondered if he's supposed to marry me.
I said nothing in response.
Because what could I say?
It was a lot to take in considering I thought I'd never hear from him again.

[I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all]
The conversation ended weird. I felt as though he wanted me to say
"We'll make it work. It'll all be okay."
But I didn't say that,
because my heart is confused
& he's thousands of miles away now.
& some damage has been done.

If I could go back and change things, I would...
but I can't.
So, what now?

I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again.
(update: i have)

[this was thursday night]