Monday, April 12, 2010

"Breaking Up" With An Ex, Pt. 1

They Always "Made A Mistake"

The ex(the 6 year-er) decided he'd made a huge mistake at some point a few months ago. He called and pleaded with me. He offered me all of the things I'd always wished he had before... but I was seeing WG at that point, and I promised myself I'd see through any relationship in my own time, not because The Ex interfered. Eventually, my own time came with WG and we ended things. When The Ex learned of this news, he took it as his cue to pull out all the stops. I met him for lunch and said we could try being friends. I told him I needed time to work through my previous relationship in my head and figure out what I wanted from there. All he could see were glimmers of hope, and that was enough for him to run wild with. I think he was sure that if I was willing to be his friend again, he could "win" me back. We hung out a couple of times & each time I went home feeling unsure and weird. I loved him as a friend. I have to give it to him, he's a great friend. But the realization came creeping in that he and I can't be just friends. His thoughts on our new found friendship were true... that was his chance to win me back. The few times we hung out, I met him feeling nothing but a hunger pang in my stomach or sometimes nausea from how badly things had gone in our past. At some point I realized that for years I was scared of a future without him, and now I was scared of a future with him. I told him how I felt. I told him I loved him, but I simply was not 'in love' with him. It didn't matter that he was trying to offer me as much as he possibly could. It didn't matter that he was finally in the place that I'd wished and hoped he'd be for so many years. Because suddenly, I'm a different girl. Life will do that to you, you know? Change you & make you grow.
He pleaded. He told me how much he loved me. He was upset. He was unreasonable. He told me I hurt him. He told me he hated me for not giving him the chance. He told me he never wanted to talk to me again.
I told him I understood. I told him I wish I could make this easier for him. I told him I hated seeing him hurt like that. And I meant it, because I'd been right there before. & He happened to be the one who had made me feel that way.
He made me spend a week in bed, drop 10 lbs, question God & ignore calls from people who care about me. I was a zombie for a while. I did what I was told & while doing so, wished more than anything that I could just crawl back into bed or crawl back into my past.
I was thinking there may have been potential to spend time with him and find butterflies,
but all I found were the ghost of a good thing and the ghost of a bad thing.
& I've never really been interested in chasing ghosts.
At one time, I loved him more than anything...
but now it's just a memory.
& As much as I thought I may never be...
I'm okay with that.

& That's how I "broke up" with an ex... again.


17 love notes:

  1. I was recently doing a freelance job writing articles about how to get an ex back. My exs daughter (who is 13 and who I am still close to) asked me what I was working on now, and when I told her she said "I can help you with that. Just write 'don't do it!'"

    And I thought "when did this 13 year old get smarter than me?"

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  2. It could be me typing this, cause I've been there with the ex... there is a reason they are the Ex.. its hard for them to come back in when we've already parted.

    Love you lace, things will work out!

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  3. Lace, i don't know you broke up with WG. I thought you're good together and he's more mature than this ex. I'm so sorry. :(

    As for this "breaking up" again thing, i feel for you. You cant force your feeling and men should know some things cant be recovered even with grand gestures. You see things differently now and you don't want him anymore as a boyfriend, you've moved on. He has no one to blame but himself.

    I heart you. Be strong and take your time for yourself. Be single, spend time with your friends and family who love you :)

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  4. So sorry you had to go through that, but that shows you that he wasn't the one and you are a great person who deserves a GREAT man in your life who will treat you like a QUEEN!! Hugs from me!!

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  5. I am going through a break up after a two and a half year old relationship.
    I am hurt, and I fear that I may never fully recover.
    When you say that now it's just a memory, and you're okay with it, do you mean 'okay' in a 'dealing with things' or 'okay' as in 'on top of your world, without wanting him'? Please answer with the the latter one! Please, please..i need to reply to the cynic in me. But be honest.

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  6. Im sorry for this, but for you. You are doing the right thing when its the hardest thing to do. Exes are so easy because of the ghosts and familiarity and as long as long as they are good people it is infinitely hard to deny wanting to be with them. Logic dictates you should - nice, sweet, familiar, knows you and you care. But on paper is never enough.

    Keep strong, you are doing the right thing no matter how hard.

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  7. Im sorry for this, but for you. You are doing the right thing when its the hardest thing to do. Exes are so easy because of the ghosts and familiarity and as long as long as they are good people it is infinitely hard to deny wanting to be with them. Logic dictates you should - nice, sweet, familiar, knows you and you care. But on paper is never enough.

    Keep strong, you are doing the right thing no matter how hard.

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  8. Oh sweet girl..I have so been there. My ex of 5 years tried to do the "friend" thing. I tried. I really did. But I always left as you did - feeling empty and strange. He made me into someone I didn't want to be, and no matter how many times he said he'd changed, I couldn't forget that hollow feeling - the ghost of a person I was for so long.

    Kudos to you for realizing you couldn't do it - didn't want to do it - anymore. You're going to be stronger and happier for that decision. Stay true to you and know that good things are coming. *Hugs* :)

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  9. I love this post. I've been there before but you were much stronger than I was. And now look, you are in a much better place and you've got the butterflies guy!

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  10. Oh I have had to do this before too, it's terrible and almost tragic, but then a ways down the road something will come along and make you thing "I'm so glad I did that!"

    For me, it was having a girl contact me and tell me that she had been dating "my ex" at the same time as me, and he'd done the exact same thing with her (trying to get back together on and off). That sealed it for me, I was so glad that I'd gone through all of that and figured things out.

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  11. been there done that, good for you, if you are strong enough to do it, it's the right decision most of the times

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  12. been there done that, good for you, if you are strong enough to do it, it's the right decision most of the times

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  13. You are an amazing lady. I had a similar experience with an x (although not an x of 6 years...) But I had moved on, I had grown...and I think knowing that you have grown on, and not looking back to the past is the hardest, and most rewarding, thing you can do. Good for you. :)

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  14. Wow hugs for being so brave and not going backwards. It's never fun when you are in that moment for sure!

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  15. your blog is too cute! love the header!

    I’d love for you to stop by: www.wild-and-precious.com

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  16. Wow. You sound stronger and more sure of yourself in this post than I've ever seen you (in blog land). You seem to have perspective. And hope.
    Sometimes life really throws a curve ball at you. It's good to be self assured enough to either hit it or dodge out of the way.
    Hang in there.

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  17. Wow...wow...wow. What a story. Thanks for explaining. Love gets messy sometimes, doesn't it?
    Mary

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You've always been my favorite... don't tell the others!